The Privy Counsel (A Bog Blog): To Be Or Not to Be - A Loo So Existential It Doesn't Even Exist

Thursday 13 February 2014

To Be Or Not to Be - A Loo So Existential It Doesn't Even Exist

Our habit of posting pictures of persons tending to their hygiene in a positive, informative way has rendered us susceptible to piques. On our insisting that the Privy-Counsel Pin-Ups are "TASTEFULLY semi-naked [men in bathrooms]", Tudor Friend replied, sardonically, "We all tell ourselves what we need to, in order to sleep at night".

Following up on this, we thought we'd post something a) philosophical, and b) scientific, just to prove our academic credibility, to those who may doubt it. Let's start with the philosophical item, to establish our rampant cultivation. German Friend, ever philosophical, ever vigilant, spotted an exciting sign in Covent Garden saying "Loo of the year". Our intrepid Teutonic friend naturally strode forth to investigate, only to discover that the loo was not.

I had a rather solo-festive (festive!) weekend here, mainly treating myself. Ahoi!

I mingled with the touristy masses in Central London. And as I needed to see a man about a dog I found a potential entry to the vault of lavatories.

"Loo of the year"!! I mean, "Loo of the year"!!!!

And then it doesn't even exist... How can I ever bring my self to urinate again when it can't be done on the "Loo of the year"!?

You tell me.

An inciting sign to get one's blood up:
"Loo of the Year"

Promising!
But actually, avoid Jubilee Market if you need to see a man about a dog!

Disappointing!
Sign says: "There are no public toilets in this market.
The nearest are next door to St Paul's Church in the Piazza."

In toilet-related news from the science world, behold, the colonoscopy-replacing camera!

Ain't it a beaut!
Image from news.discovery.com

This nifty gadget can, when swallowed, take high-quality pictures of your insides, allowing doctors to analyse what's troubling them. "Patients will neither get shafted in the rear end nor their wallets", according to an article that a close acquaintance sent us.

For more high-quality images (not of someone's innards), see tomorrow's exuberantly romantic post!

Finally, let's have a festive video!

Festive video: Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper, (619) 239-KING. "Call me, Elvis!"

Related Reading
The Existentialist Toilet Is, Perhaps, Here
Privy Counsel Pin-Up - Now with 50 % Less Creepiness
Dread, Rage, and Out-of-Order Urinals
The Spirit of Christmas: Urinals, Mixer-Taps, Relief
Privy Counsel Pin-Up: James Purefoy

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THE PRIVY COUNSEL - THE INTELLECTUAL TOILET BLOG

PLUMBING THE DEPTHS
The Privy Counsel is an international community of intellectuals, giving counsel, advice and information on toilet-related topics. Why toilets? we hear you ask. Because toilets matter! Ever been to a great restaurant, café or pub only to have the experience tarnished by a less-than-lovely toilet? If you have ever been annoyed by a bad bog, this blog is for you!

Other things we love are history, especially medical history, and especially anything to do with syphilis. And rum. And some good, rampant feminism.

Our simple sense of humour belies our actual academic credentials.

CONTACT
For companionship and solace, like our Facebook page! We also spread our wit and intellectualism around on Twitter a fair amount, so do follow us there. (Although frankly we think that, instead of frittering your time away on social media sites, you'd be more productively occupied taking pictures of toilets and sending them to us.)

You can also e-mail us at theprivycounsellor [at] gmail.com.

REGULAR FEATURES
Toilet Tales
Our marvellous mysteries, wholesome whodunnits and thrilling tales are taking the world by storm! Such classics as Jane Eyre; Sherlock Holmes; Robin Hood; Gone with the Wind; Dracula;Lady Chatterley's Lover; Alien vs. Predator; The Terminator; A Rootin', Tootin' Toilet Tale, and many more, are now available in Toilet Tale form! Got a request? Leave a comment or e-mail us! theprivycounsellor [at] gmail.com

Privy Counsel Pin-Ups
What in the name of arse are Privy Counsel Pin-Ups? you may wonder. And wonder rightly. Put simply, it's a picture of a celebrity in the bath. Any celebrity, any bath. We're not picky.

The Privy Counsel Pin-Ups now come with up to 50 % more gender equality! (And considerably lower levels of creepiness.)

Toilet Songs
Be Bowled Over by the Splashing Sensation That's Rocking the Nation!
Our unique collection of songs with toilet-related lyrics is bound to get you moving!

FRIENDS

We have a frankly mindboggling amount of Friends, who are our eyes and ears (and, in some cases, noses) and keep us updated on interesting toilet-related things happening around the world. You can locate our friends in "There's Reason to Our Madness" (a.k.a. "labels") below. For instance, there's Australian Friend, Enlightened Friend, Semi-Intellectual Friend, Tudor Friend, Medievalist (with a Side Interest in Roman Archaeology) Friend, etc. Oh, and Jonny counts as a friend for administrative reasons.

OTHER DELIGHTFUL AND EDIFYING SITES

A delightful blog by two feisty females ranting about the patriarchy, while simultaneously tweeting the pick-up lines we DO want to hear.

outoflinesblog.wordpress.com

A dear friend of ours runs this excellent blog on make-up, which you, too, may enjoy if you're learned in the lore of Scandiwegian languages:
skimmerskuggan.blogspot.com

We also heartily recommend this webiste, endorsing it with a jolly slap on the back and loud, hearty laughter:
zduk.co.uk

If your intellect is rampant in the extreme and you enjoy history, archaeology and church architecture, then do check out this excellent blog, written by a very dear and very insane friend of ours:
janeheloise.wordpress.com

Our friend Maureen Helen writes a thoughtful, philosophical, and ragingly intellectual blog:
maureenhelen.com

If you're interested in RSI, or other pain conditions, or Indian food, or rickshaw wallahs, or goats, then this blog is kind of a riot:
rsirehabblog.blogspot.com

If you're fond of cats, here is a blog with many pictures of cats:
catstrophil.tumblr.com

SOMETIMES THERE IS NO REASON TO OUR MADNESS: HOW THE POINTS SYSTEM WORKS

We gave up all belief in the logic of our points system long ago. But sometimes we use it just for kicks, and when we do, the points awarded are as follows:

* Covered loo roll holder: +1
* Loo roll lying loose: -1
* Normal white loo roll: +1
* Unbleached: +2
* Quilted or coloured: -1

* Bin in stall covered: +1
*Bin not pushing unpleasantly against user: +2

* Easy-to-use flush, not requiring great mechanical strength: +1
* Water-saving: +2
* Hard to use: -1

* Toilets clean: +1
* Toilets dirty: -1

* Revolving towel: +1
* Air dryer: -1
* Hygienic air dryer: +1
* Normal towel (unless clean and displaying evidence of being frequently changed): -1

* Push lever or other easy-to-use tap: +1
* Photo-cell tap: +2
* Lack of hot water: -1
* Unpleasant, separated taps: -1

*Pleasant soap: +1
* Also handlotion: +2
* No soap: -1

*Coat hook: +1
* Coat hook sturdy enough for rucksack or other large bag: +2
* No coat hook: -1

* Possibility of opening door without touching handle on exit: +1 bonus point.

* Toilets with noise-insulating cubicles (or no cubicle): +1 bonus point.

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Thursday 13 February 2014

To Be Or Not to Be - A Loo So Existential It Doesn't Even Exist

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To Be Or Not to Be - A Loo So Existential It Doesn't Even Exist

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