Thursday, 15 December 2016

Oh, Jonny - Losing Our Hearts to a Loose Cannon

It is a truth universally acknowledged that 2016 has been a mind-bogglingly shitty year. The onslaught of misogyny, racism, Islamophobia and general arseholery has been of a magnitude to make even the most battle-hardened feminazi she-devil feel fearful and dejected. Many is the time we have had to have a whisky and a lie-down, clutching our head and blinking frenziedly, hoping everything will go away (it never does). However, the fight continues, and each time we've been stunned into fearful disbelief, frozen on the chaise-longue, we've got back up with fire in our heart and a determined cry of "harden the fuck up!" on our lips.

Not everything has been shrouded in Mordor-esque darkness. Even this tremendously terrible year has had its rays of sunshine. For instance, it has produced A PICTURE OF JONNY ON A CANNON. We jest you not. JONNY! ON! A! CANNON!

Regular readers will recall the lonely hearts ad we wrote on behalf of Jonny back in 2013. Said lonely hearts ad appears to have borne fruit, for rumours have reached us that Jonny is no longer single. Alas! Ladies and gentlemen - we share your pain! However, we shall have to trundle on as best we can, even in the knowledge that Jonny is no longer available. We shall comfort ourselves with these photos that he has generously shared with us. Keep reading and you, too, will be rewarded for not losing heart except in the sense of us all losing our hearts to Jonny, that magnificent piece of joy made flesh.

For those of you who were internet-stalking Jonny on 23 October at 20:43, trying to find out if he was available, it may interest you to know that at that time he was engaged in sending us this picture:

We also received this picture at some point. He's quite the loose cannon, correspondence-wise, is our Jonny!

Read many, many rants about non-functioning British taps here.

The other day we received the following missive:

Got you a present

Wine corks! Colourful ones! Spelling the word toilet! We are dizzy with delight!

Even on holiday I'm still working

Volcanic rock sink was a highlight

Toilets themselves were ok.

Here's me on a cannon for the fans


We can't take any more of this. Let us have a Festive Video forthwith. But first, let us extend a special greeting to our friend Stig, who is very much a fellow soldier in the fight for equal rights. Thanks for the kind thoughts, Stig!

Festive Video - The Andrews Sisters, Oh Johnny, Oh Johnny

Related Reading
The lonely hearts ad we wrote for Jonny back in 2013:
Jonny and a Public Toilet - A Treat for Single Ladies
All posts featuring Jonny

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